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Saturday, October 2, 2010 Everyone's just leaving me out, ostracizing me, giving me weird expressions sometimes which I feel there's a hidden meaning underlying it. It feels so awkward. I feel like I'm going crazy, sometimes I wonder, if it isn't just my imagination after all. I'm left in the dark, I don't know what to think. It's like a stab in the heart, through the back. Am I not just imagining it, or is it really true? Might it not be part of my over-imagination, might I just be thinking too much into things? Or am I really too dumb to not know when and where I'm not wanted, only to stick my obtrusive nose into their conversations and relationships I know I'm never going to be a part of? There are times when I feel almost accepted, but something happens which brings my confidence all crumbling down again. I feel so confused. Please, someone, just tell me the truth directly so I know how to act and behave. Oh god, it hurts.
One more heart at 7:20 AM Tuesday, September 21, 2010 This blog is going to be about things which are what the title suggests, D: I feel so stressed. And yet I'm not doing anything about it, I don't know why. I'm really worried for Physics, even though I'm not going to count it, but just looking at Ms Cheong makes me feel like I've got to do well for Physics, or she'll kill me. But the thing is that can't stand Physics. I really, really regret choosing Physics. I'm not even a Science-y person. My humanities have mostly been better than my sciences. (Andrea interjects: "I'm stupid but I'm giving you pressure")But I only took trip science because I want to be a psychologist, and trip science was a recommended option. Most of you reading this blog will probably laugh because I'm like, the last person to achieve my ambition. Anyway, sometimes I wonder to myself, whether I'd be less pressured, less stressed, less worried, if I had just taken Geog instead, if I had just taken doubles instead. I mean, not like my geog was ever that good (It fluctuated between 2.0-4.0) but at least I had interest in it. The main reason I chose Physics was because there was a mutual hatred between the geog teacher and I, and Physics was too long ago for me to remember much about it, besides sleeping through the whole class and waking up just in time to greet the physics teacher goodbye (Really! It's literally true.) And yet, I did reasonably okay for physics in the end. Never did I imagine I'd be dying for Physics now. And dying so badly at that. And on top of that, I feel like I'm slipping. Like how yesterday, for the first time ever since the start of the year, I didn't bring my calculator. On the day of Math AA. I felt damn stupid for that. Like damn stupid. And sometimes, I get really pissed at some people, and yet when they turn around and nice to me at the next moment I can't help but be nice to them too. But sometimes I just snap at them and they become pissed and I feel so bad and pissed at the same time. Do you even realise what you're doing? Okay I feel like sinking into those ambiguous emo sentences people love to write, so I shall stop. And I have third lang later and I completely don't know what to do for french because I've been sleeping in class and giving the french teacher attitude. I'm sorry, but i really don't like her and she can't teach and I know she hates me. Which was kinda why I gave her attitude in the first place. You can continue concentrating on your darling vietnam scholar who thinks he's so chio and handsome and on your hardworking pretty people like TE (Who's actually really nice, no offense against her) and just forget about the rest of us. On a completely random note, HAHA CLE is funny! HuiJun's allegience should totally be to this class man. Actually, given the number of times HJ's booked us, it's enough to give us two dcs. But aw, HJ we still love you anyway ;D
One more heart at 9:34 PM Friday, April 3, 2009 Wednesday (1 April) was ..... disappointing. I'd love to say crap, but that isn't appropriate is it? I know I wasn't competing on Wednesday, but the judges' scores really have me pissed. And everyone too. Only Huiru was the nice, lovely judge 'cos four of her scores got cancelled for our cdiv routines for giving us the highest D= And Chief judge was fair too okayyy. and I notice, that the lowest scores being cancelled ONLY EVER appeared in the J2 and J3 (Judge 2 and Judge 3) columns. WHY. Do you owe your school that much, you must degrade yourself to give them false pride? What happened to bent-left-leg girl, who got 8.3? Or the people who stumbled or touched the tramp and got over 7.0 out of 8.0. And what happened to the ex-girl of the judges' school who went RJC and received a lower score for her ADIV routine instead of the high 8/9 +s her hcjc counterparts received? Or all the BDiv who were sided and jumped so low and had such bent legs they looked like frogs (Okay, exaggeration haha I couldn't think of anything else) and yet received such high scores? And inbetween comp, me and xinyi and felicia went out to prata house and had milo ice XD We were looking for the $3.20 drink but couldn't find it on the menu. Then later we found out it was milo spin, which was marked as $3.00 on the menu haha. but milo ice was nice, except for covering ice with hand part, and milo spin was super sweet. So i'm glad we bought milo ice instead =D CDiv was good, even though the team was super nervous. But I'm sure everyone tried their best, 'cos it was the first competition for most of them, and nervousness is unavoidable )= But overall, it was good =D BUT Karen's score did not deserve her routine. Where do the judges find the things lacking to make up a deduction of 2.4 from a neat routine? BDiv was worse. Not in standards, but in disappointment. All their routines were neat. Steph's was a MIRACLE =D That routine was her best ever. And both Eunices jumped their best ever routines on Wednesday! Their backdrop didn't undercut and fly all over; instead, they were perfectly controlled. Kelly's was GOOD. She doesn't deserve that low a score. Chief judge gave her an indiv score (According to her =) ) and the other judges -except huiru!<3- took it from her. Emily's routine could have given her well above what she received. After that, ADIV! Their routines look scary >.< 'Cos they flip here there everywhere AND THEY NEVER FALL. And then some kids were invited ( I think?) from China and their tramp routines were HIGH. Like their pike jumps and tuck jumps and straddles are super neat. And for example, the tuck jump, they do tuck the snap their legs back straight, then Finally land on the trampoline, which we are never able to do. I'd lose my balance and fall and crack my head and die if i tried that. And there was this boy, he jumped and jumped and jumped, then flipflipflipflipflip with no straight jumps inbetween. And he didn't lose height. and he didn't fall. And he's so young. How's that possible? And they jumped twice their height Eeeeek o.o HuiRu was super cute as a child! =D And she almost lost her photos after getting down the bus and she was like"Ohno" and the bus door was closing and she just stared at it o.o Then she reached into EGoh's back and pulled out the photos! =) And then we went somewhere to celebrate (I'veforgotten!) at the macs inside, and on the way we took 156 XD We took up the whole bus haha and people were staring at us. Can hear OUR people from the front all the way from the back XD Oops! And then in macs we were all separated. Then we went island creamery( sp?) with the super nice ice cream haha. Then I looked at my watch and realised it was eight o.o Then later muchmuch later, I went home! In HengYeng's car. Then we were talking about our juniors XD Then I was super tired. And we still had to go to school on thursday. D= And to the biased judges and the school they belong to, I, (If I were nice), hope that when you look back on all your comps. in the future, you won't actually feel that you're unworthy of all your medals which have lost their glimmer and shine and attractiveness by that time because that's exactly how I, (Being just Lisa instead), wish for you to feel just that way. & Wednesday feels so much like a dream. Like we look back and we know it's real, we remember it's real, and yet the misty covering, and the feeling and sense that it's a dream, is forever there. Why is it that important events are always marked as dreams in our memories, and yet unimportant events like writing on your friend's worksheet is as vivid and clear in memories, as if it had just happened? Why do all the precious memories seem so faraway and out of reach, while those we rarely think about seem to accompany us constantly, ready for us to seek them? I don't want it all to be a dream. I don't want to look back on the first gymnastic competition I went to in the future and feel as if it had all been a dream, as if it had all never happened. After you mark all the important events in your life as dreams, your "real" life would seem so crap and pointless. Is that what our lives are, then. I don't want the memories to be a dream. How do I keep them clear? (Sorry this post is so... serious and black. I'll post another part later =D Later sometime.) One more heart at 4:12 AM Wednesday, March 18, 2009 Trials today! ohnowhydoihavetogotrialsnotlikei'mincompanyway. I landed a straight front pike! Thanks HengYeng =D But I'm still throwing forward. And I think i'll screw it up next training. High on BIO PT! (Never thought it possible.) lisa (In turmoil.} says: what's your scientific name? mel. says: maelaissia ing lisa (In turmoil.} says: ?? how'd you get that mel. says: what does it look like? lisa (In turmoil.} says: i know haha nonono mel. says: HAHAHA lisa (In turmoil.} says: i was asking abt your organism =D mel. says: heeheehee my organism is gopherus crusta. i THINK. haha mel is so cute. ohohoh lisa (In turmoil.} says: i feel so lame>.< mel. says: (: nope! i was being really lame today so i can tell you that you're not lame et yet* XD and mel is lame too. People are people, And sometimes we change our minds. But its killing me to see you go after all this time. -"Breathe" Taylor Swift Labels: Gym, Randomness One more heart at 5:58 AM Monday, March 2, 2009 Wednesday was lit, hist, hcl. DIE. I took 25 mins to do the first question 'cos I was staring at it blankly. Then I changed my handwriting and wrote a few lines. Then I stopped to admire it. Then I altered it. again. again. again. Saturday was... wet and watery. It rained alotALOTalot lol. We were practically walking in water! Bleugh. And Hengyeng was wearing shoes, so I bet her feet felt super squishy by Jelita's haha. And I wiped my sleeve on the mrt window and the water left on the window evaporated really fast. =D But the way back was really cold. Goosebumps! Today was lousy. First was math. I lost 7 marks alr D= I feel so stupid eek. Then came geog. And halfway through my hand was really really cramped and tired, so "a" became something like "...cl..." Haha a little exaggerated but I can't show it using the keyboard. Anyways, it was close to being labeled illegible. x.x THEN ENGLISH. DIE.DIE.DIE. if I ever finished Englishe compre +SUMMARY with 15 minutes to spare, something is so definitely wrong. And today, in my version of what happened, Samantha wrote her summary on the same ans sheet as the questions. But she ran out of time while copying it over to a new piece of paper. So she asked the teacher if she could copy it over (for the remaining 1.5 sentences). In my opinion (omg pc answer), she shouldn't have asked the teacher that. And the teacher shouldn't even have allowed that. Instructions clearly state "no extra time given". If other students are denied the opportunity to write their names after the exam, why should she be given extra time to finish the answer> There is even a possibility she has actually not really completed and might alter her answer from the original draft, even under the teacher's scrutiny. Thence, I don't think she should have been given the extra time. Bleugh. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to blog about this... so I'll prob delete this after a few days or sth. Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories, they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye Even with our fists held high, yeah Never would have worked out right, yeah We were never meant for do or die I didn't want us to burn out I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop I want you to know That it doesn't matter Where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone -Kelly Clarkson "Already Gone" <3> nothing! =D Yeqi> is not.. compared to my others =D One more heart at 5:14 AM Thursday, February 19, 2009 YESTERDAY I attended a thirdlang. talk. And then I ate lunch. Which we cooked in aesthetics. It was .... okayy. The chicken was quite tasteless. And the veggies were disgusting (Minee I'm not blaming you.... I just have high standards for chicken wings and i dislike all veggies in general!) Then I ponned thirdlang. 'Cos I forgot to bring my french books and i was gonna be late and i didn't know where rjc was so my sis could pass my books to me and i had no one in french cos chingyee and the rest transferred and minee abandoned me. yepps a lot of factors. but i felt really guilty on the way home 'kay! >.< TODAY Today was super fun. The seniors had SAs so only the sec twos and ones were on the bus! And we had somewhat of a bonding time 'cos we were playing concentration=D I lost! And we took this ... photo =D TRAMP TRIALS were fun. I didn't want to trial originally, but teo made me trial. but one thing good has come out of it- i'm not so scared of front pike anymore! Cos i just made me closest-to-successful front pike today! =D Then i couldn't do it again. x.x i got last in ranking! haha not like i expected anything. and hengyeng and shirlyn and karen were like pro. They jumped so well! So naturally they all got in. :/ Actually, I think my results are pretty good =) I thought i'd get -8 or something cos i'm a very messy girl! And after training the sky looked so bright! It was such a good day today! At least it wasn't so humid. So we didn't feel so sweaty =D And hengyeng was like, "It's six already? So fast!" =D Yay you get my gist. Yay a short post! (: Hemin: o.o you have livejournal? One more heart at 7:07 AM Tuesday, February 17, 2009 Yayyay this is my first post of the year! 'Cos for a while I was so stressed (still am) and was wondering whether or not to abandon my blog. Err. Let's start with 1st jan! Nothing much I can remember. Err. School started! And my form teacher's Mr. Tan Wee Lee. Apparently the Nanhua students know him 'cos he's taught them before. And my CLET's Mrs. Yap. ...And our class has mixed comments-- It's so weird to be a sec two. Like sec ones look at you and they seem frightened. "Cos you're a senior. Was i like that last year? hmm. And I quit CLDS. And joined Art Gym. (yay!) I'm in Trampoline! =) And the people there are really nice =) And Lea joined CLDS. And my mortal joined Girl Guides. I think. Haha Curry Bee Hoon = squash(ed)! oh no so unfitting. So.... unfair/ immoral/ unjustified/ weird /crappy. YESTERDAY. I saw this old man (Aileen insists the person's female) standing on this patch of grass while walking to Bedok Interchange from Bedok MRT with Aileen! And the person (I shall all him/her A) lifted up this green skirt-like thing and squatted down and peed on the grass. IN PUBLIC. AN ADULT. Yes. Eew >.< And there was another woman walking behind us and she was staring and staring and turning back and staring at A. And I had three thoughts! First thought: Okay, A's lifting up a bright neon-like green skirt (I still think A's a guy!) Second thought - as realization sets in- :OMG OMG A's GONNA DO SOMETHING WEIRD. ( I said the first six letters to Aileen =D) LOOK AWAY. Third thought: What wrinkly and fat yet kinda muscular looking legs. Signifies someone very old. Haha I feel so weirded out right now, recounting my most interesting 5 seconds yesterday. Tramp. trials on thursday! it was pushed forward twice. I'm still hoping I don't have to try out. I mean, c'mon. Me? (Look at my front pike. It's a total fail.) As of this year, my weekends are officially busy, busy, busy. There's like house prac to sign up for (What's the point!), CCA on saturday and piano and theory and tuition on sunday. Whoa. So many activities. argh. [TAG!] Karen: No it just got revived =D I predict it'll die again soon. Mich and Jodie and Elaine: =D XinYi: Haha so sweet. Thanks =) but i'll most probably become cheerleader =D Imagine me standing on the sidelines cheering "Go Cass go" or something. So weeeeirddd. Then it'll get us all disqualified! x.x Labels: School One more heart at 6:37 AM |
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